“Little Lord Fonzelroy” by Kaye George
Are you a parent going through the Terrible Twos? Did you live through them and survive? Terrible Twosdays is a place to commiserate over the unending shenanigans of your Darling Children (as the online parenting communities say). Nonfiction stories will be considered, so long as names have been changed to protect the guilty. Inspired by our best-selling gift book for parents, Go the Fuck to Sleep, Terrible Twosdays joins the roster of our other online short fiction series. Unlike Mondays Are Murder and Thursdaze, we’re looking for stories with a light and mischievous feel, all about the day-to-day challenges of parenting. As with our other flash fiction series, stories must not exceed 750 words.
This week, Kaye George tackles the Fearsome Fours.
Little Lord Fonzelroy
by Kaye George
Beautiful spring day in Ohio. Laundry room in the basement. Hanging clothes on the inside line from the dryer so they won’t be a wrinkled mess. My son, as usual, hungry for a snack. How does he always know when I don’t want to be interrupted in the middle of a task? Demanding a snack. Right now. A snack. “Did you hear me, Mommy?”
Son, who skipped Terrible Twos, now four. Fearsome Four. Bigger, stronger, and much smarter than a Terrible Two.
Current popular television shows: Welcome Back, Kotter and Happy Days. Current heroes: Vinnie Barbarino and The Fonz. Maybe a mistake to let him watch those programs?
Recently tried, “Up your nose with a rubber hose.” Discarded that one a few weeks ago when it didn’t get a rise out of either of us.
Today, hot and tired from playing in the backyard. Irritated and growing more so. Can’t see why I don’t stop what I’m doing to make him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Right now. Explanation involving clothing and wrinkles and looking nice doesn’t get through that sudden, urgent need for a sandwich. Right now.
Fearsome Four, cute little pipsqueak, less than half my height and a fraction of my weight, halfway down the basement stairs. Lower lip sticking out in a perfect classic pout.
Stopping my task for a moment. “Birdie will sit on your lip,” said with a softening smile in a singsong voice.
Big, luscious brown eyes narrowed. Fierce look on his chubby, adorable baby face.
In his darling little-boy voice, quoting The Fonz: “Aayy. If you don’t make me a sammitch right now, I’m gonna flatten out your body.”
I lost it. I laughed so hard I doubled over in tears. Soon, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
KAYE GEORGE, national best-selling and multiple award-winning author, writes several mystery series: Imogene Duckworthy, Cressa Carraway (Barking Rain Press), People of the Wind (Untreed Reads), and, as Janet Cantrell, Fat Cat (Berkley Prime Crime cozies). The third, Fat Cat Takes the Cake, will appear April 2016. The second Cressa Carraway novel, Requiem in Red, will appear in early 2016. The second People of the Wind, Death on the Trek, comes out in June 2016. Her short stories appear in anthologies, magazines, and her own collection, A Patchwork of Stories. She reviews for Suspense Magazine. She lives in Knoxville, TN. Visit her website at kayegeorge.com.
Do you have a story you’d like us to consider for online publication in the Terrible Twosdays flash fiction series? Here are the submission terms and guidelines:
—We are not offering payment, and are asking for first digital rights. The rights to the story revert to the author immediately upon publication.
—Your story should focus on the challenges of parenting. Ideally, stories should be about children aged 0 to 5, but any age (up to early teens) is acceptable. Stories may be fiction or nonfiction.
—Include the child’s age at the time of the story next to your byline.
—Your story should not exceed 750 words.
—E-mail your submission [email protected] paste the story into the body of the email, and also attach it as a PDF file.
Posted: Apr 5, 2016
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